Dummies Guide To Lie Spotting. When you’re in the Iie spotting business, every deception cue jumps up, slaps you in the face and says “Look at me!”. At the same time, every cue suggesting normality and all is well, jumps up, slaps you in the face and says “Look at me!”
Where do you start if you’re not going to make a career out nonverbal studies? What if you just want to know the basics to help you make the best decision you can in those few moments when it counts? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Because I’m gonna tell you and show you exactly what you want to know.
First things first
If you follow this blog, have watched any video interview I’ve done, have been to one of my keynotes, or taken part in any of the trainings I do from your company, one on one, or online courses, I always begin with: There are no “absolutes” in lie spotting. That means there are no cues that tell you for sure and certain a person is lying. Nose scratching, breaking eye contact, looking down and to the left. Throw them ALL in the trash. Were this not a short “Dummies Guide”, I would add and adjust for few more caveats.
Look for these cues
Look for all of them. If you see at least 3 of these during the answer and up to 5/7 seconds after the answer, then lean toward the probability that person is lying, being deceptive, and/or not giving you all of the information.
Rest assured of 2 things:
1- The essence of deception is distraction. And the most powerful form/version of distraction is sincere and true generosity. Don’t allow yourself to be swayed, conned, or become biased, by anything the person says, does, offers, or creates for you. If you do any of those, you’ve already missed the coming deception.
2- If you don’t watch for and observe these cues on every person you speak with or any conversation you observe from a distance for at least 1 month before you start making decisions about a person’s integrity, you’re going to lose friends and make others wary of you. You’ve been made aware.
Hang on, here we go…
During your casual conversation before asking the question make sure you are prepared to note all of the sudden movements and changes in their behavior. Are you seeing the deceptive cues or not? If you are seeing 1 or 2 already, then remove them from the cue list for this person. You’d better get your memory in gear because you can’t actually take notes.
– When asking a question watch for the person to almost freeze, become very still, and look right at you. If they lean just a bit away from you, that’s a cue I look for. It suggests they are trying to move away from the lie as they give it to you. The same goes if they take a small step backward as they answer. Sometimes it’s not just the head moving back, it’s the entire body you’ll observe moving away.
– If they shake their head “yes” while saying “no”. That’s a cue to look for. As well as the reverse.
– If they quickly shrug their shoulders? That’s a cue to count. A true shrug should last about a second to a second and a half. If it’s any less than that, my experience has been: #1 They are unsure about that answer. #2 They may have something else they are thinking of at the same time that they are unsure of or are possibly confused about.
– If only 1 shoulder goes up. That also suggests the person is unsure of the answer and/or the information. (Notice the word “suggests”. I am not saying “It means”.)
– If 1 shoulder goes up followed by the other, that’s a cue to count for the same reasons.
– If they DON’T break eye contact, that’s a big one. If they are lying or if they aren’t sure, that’s their brain wanting to keep an eye on you to make sure you believe the answer. In other words, if they are lying they’re most likely not going to break eye contact.
– If you see the previous cue and the person begins adding on or building up the answer by making it sound better, stronger, more viable, that’s a cue to count. That’s a good reason to give it a second or 2 before you say anything else after they answer. Hang on just a bit to see of they start propping that answer up some.
– You may hear them attempting to “Hide Time” in the answer. “We were at the mall, then we went to the gas station…” Well? What all did you do at the mall? “We shopped and then we left.” Really? What were you looking for? Did you buy it? What did you try on – see -think about – discuss buying etc.? If they attempt to hide time, count that as a cue.
– If they hold their hands up, flat, not at a slight angle, as they answer, count that as a cue. (That’s “Mercy Hands”. It looks like “Oh, please believe me… Please have mercy on me and believe me”.)
– If the pause before the answer is too long, that’s a cue to count. What’s too long? You’ll feel it. That’s why you want to observe other conversations in detail for a month like I was telling you before. You’ll get used to observing and that will make it much easier for you to observe your conversation as well. That sounds odd because you’ve been carrying on conversations your entire life. However, observing a conversation, as you will come to understand, is much different.
End Part of Part 1 Dummies Guide To Lie Spotting
I’ll give you even more cues and tips in Part 2 of Dummies Guide To Lie Spotting. So far, is there anything that looks or sounds familiar? How many of these have you seen that got by you? Tell me on Twitter what you’ve seen or tell me what else you’d specifically like to know @ScottRouse3.